Facing My Two-Year Travel Fear

Mama and I in London in March 2022.

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.” A little over a month ago, I read this quote from a gentleman named George Addair — and it couldn’t have appeared at a better time. 

About 12 years ago, I went through a divorce. Thanks to my “fairy” godmother, Aunt Deb, international travel became a beloved part of my life in my late teens. But, for a variety of reasons, during my marriage, I stopped going abroad. When the divorce was finalized, I promised myself that every year from that point on, I would travel internationally at least once. And boy did I commit to that goal! 

The year leading up to the pandemic, my freelance travel writing assignments took me to London multiple times, Amsterdam, Prague, Helsinki, and Paris. Then, there was the trip that my mom and I took to Rome, Italy. We left on Feb. 27, 2020. 

Off to Rome We Go

When we departed, Milan was shutting down due to the mysterious COVID virus. But, no one seemed too concerned in the United States (and Delta wasn’t going to refund our tickets at that point), so, mama and I decided to put fear behind us and just go. Of course, Italy shifted to being rated a “don’t go near this country” destination while we were on our connecting flight from Amsterdam to Rome. Our first clue that life was changing was being temperature checked as we exited immigration at the airport in Rome.

But, mama and I agreed that there was no going back. And come what may, we were going to ensure that this trip was a fabulous one. Oh, was it ever! Mom and I enjoyed Aperol spritzes on rooftops overlooking the evening lights of the ancient city. We gorged ourselves on fried squash blossoms and pasta with truffle cream sauce. We were able to tour spots like the Colosseum with minimal crowds. Little did we know that we were making memories that needed to last us for two years…

On a rooftop in Rome in March 2020 — just before the pandemic shut the world down.

Sure, we were temperature checked when we got on the flight home to Atlanta. But, it wasn’t until we landed on March 3, and I found a voicemail from my supervisor for my full-time job asking me not to not come to work for 14 days, that I realized how serious things were. So, before quarantining became the norm, mom and I holed up in her house in Augusta for two weeks. Thankfully, we were healthy the whole time. (Ironically, I got a very mild case of COVID about a year later — during a month when I didn’t travel anywhere.) But, when our quarantine ended, the world had shut down. 

In the months that followed, mom and I realized that we’d dodged a bullet. The heartbreaking stories of what COVID did to people across the globe made us realize just how lucky we were to have returned from that trip healthy. While we continued to travel pretty regularly in the USA over the last few years (mama is one of my favorite travel buddies), neither one of us wanted to take the leap and go international. 

Fear Sets In

My fear about traveling internationally didn’t have as much to do with getting COVID (I’m vaccinated, boosted, and have had it at least once that I know of) as much as it did with testing positive for COVID and not being able to return home. While testing certainly can be useful, there are also issues with false positives and the fact that viruses in general just do tricky things like lie dormant in your system (e.g., HPV) or morph into exciting new illnesses (e.g., chicken pox leading to shingles). So, even if I did things to minimize my risk, there was always that chance.

The bottom line was that after the trip to Italy, I was scared to death of not being allowed back into my country. And having to quarantine away from the home I share with my boyfriend after our trip — and not knowing if I was going to be able to get home as our quarantine ended and the lockdown of our country began — didn’t help me with this fear. 

Once vaccines became available, I watched all of my friends start to venture across the pond. But, I’m embarrassed to admit that I couldn’t just take the leap of faith and face my fear head on. For a decade, I’d been this primarily solo world traveler, and I’d become a worry wart about COVID testing to get home. Then, about a month ago, I read that Addair quote, which resonated with me, and something happened that gave me the push I needed.

Enough

My mom, who’s in her 70s, said “enough — I’m going to London.” Admittedly, her motivation was a plane ticket that was about to expire from a trip she was scheduled to take the summer of 2020 to Italy. But, mom was not going to lose all of the money she’d invested in that ticket. So, with Omicron cases in the UK waning, she decided to book a two-week trip. Mama told me that if I wanted to join her, I was welcome. 

How could I say “no?!” Every trip I take with her provides us both with a treasure trove of memories. And if there’s one thing we’ve learned from the pandemic, it’s that the world can shut down — and our ability to travel anywhere we want can be taken away in a heartbeat. It also helped that England had done away with all of its COVID regulations. So, the only real hurdle was testing to get home to the USA. Finally, I knew that mom and I shared my fear of pre-flight testing. The experience after Italy had freaked us both out. What better way to move beyond it than to face it together? 

Boy, am I glad we did! As I walked off the plane at Heathrow, I had tears in my eyes. I was so joyful to be back in another country and ready to soak in another culture again. From dinner at our favorite Turkish restaurant to walks along the Thames, the trip was the medicine I needed to get back in the international travel saddle. 

The look on my face after I got my pre-flight COVID test came back negative.

While I did a pretty good job of compartmentalizing the fear of the pre-flight COVID test until the day I had to take it, it was still a stressful experience. But, my friend, Carolyn, who is living in London for the spring, referred us to a good testing spot (DAM Health), and I had my result (negative — thank goodness) within two hours. When mom had to get her test a few days after my departure (she stayed a bit longer), she had a similar experience and also received negative results. 

Hopefully, by the time I go international again this summer or fall, the testing requirement will be lifted. But, if not, I’m grateful to be in a place where my love for travel and faith in the fact that all will be fine are greater than my fear of the unknown. In the words of the brilliant researcher on vulnerability Brené Brown: “Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.”